It is always difficult to have a succeeful breakup, especially when you have failed in your relationship. A separation can quickly turn into an ordeal if you still have feelings for the other.
You were certain of your choice when you left her, but now you are hesitating.
Ending a relationship is always a complicated exercise. But there are steps that can make this process easier. The purpose of this article: to help you break up “the right way”.
By following the 5 Rules of a Successful Breakup that follow, you will put an end to your relationship which no longer satisfies you, while limiting the suffering inflicted on your partner as well as on yourself.
The goal is to recover from this ordeal as quickly as possible to move forward.
For a successful breakup, do things in the right order!
A successful breakup requires preparation! Are you sure of yourself and your (un)feelings?
Step 1: Be sure you want to breakup
Before breaking up, it is necessary to ask yourself the right questions and understand the reasons that are pushing you to break up.
If for you, the break is the only possible outcome, so be it! So be it. After all, you are the one in charge, it’s your life, you owe it to yourself to be happy.
But if you doubt your relationship, it’s time to take stock. Take a deep breath and face the truth.
The best solution is to take a piece of paper, a pencil, and separate the sheet into two columns.
On one side the advantages of your relationship, on the other the disadvantages. It’s up to you to place your current complicity, your understanding in bed, your desire to pursue an adventure together, your partner’s interest in you, his faults that you can’t stand, his qualities, in the right column…
Face your feelings, weigh the pros and cons. Basically, are you really satisfied with your relationship? Or would you be happier being single, or with someone else?
A couple relationship is shared by two. If you have doubts about your common future or about your partner, speak directly with her. Communication is inseparable from the balance and smooth running of your relationship.
✅ Read Also :10 ways to improve communication in relationships
It is together that you can find the solution to your problems and put in place the necessary changes to rekindle the flame.
Tricky topic of discussion, yes, but try to talk about it before making a drastic decision.
The goal: to have no regrets, neither now nor afterwards.
Step 2: Pick the right time to break up
There is no perfect time to break up. You are not going to say to yourself “it is 5 p.m., it is perfect, I am announcing to my girlfriend that I am leaving her”. No.
It will be up to you to try to find “the best time” to tell him. (understand: the least worst moment)
Do your best not to break the news to her while she is going through a delicate period: after the death of one of her loved ones, the day before an important interview, during one of your arguments…
On the other hand, do not wait too long before confessing to him your desire to leave everything behind. I have friends who waited 3 years anyway… On a 5-year relationship, it’s a long hesitation!
If you are certain of your decision: action!
True story: My cousin got dumped in the middle of an argument with her boyfriend. Result: he got hit in the balls with the pancake pan.
(The moral: avoid announcing your breakup in the middle of a fight, when tempers are already burned.)
Step 3: Choose the right place for the break
Again, there is no universal rule. “Ailleurs qu’café d’en bas”, said the song…
For you as for her, it is preferable that no one else witnesses this particular and intimate moment. Choose a place where you will be alone.
It is difficult to anticipate the reaction of the other. In case of shouting, crying or hot reaction, spare yourself a public display.
It is the same for the restaurant, for the meal with the in-laws… Do not make the situation even more embarrassing than it already is. (CF the film by Manu Payet: “Love situation, it’s complicated” where his breakup scene is dirty…)
Failing to continue your body-to-body, think “head-to-head” to have a successful breakup.
Step 4: Breakup the right way
Breaking up by text or phone is the work of cowards.
Ghosting? You have nothing between your legs. You thought of writing him a long letter? Put down your Voltaire pen and wear your balls!
Be a real man. Break eye to eye, face to face, face to face.
Acceptable exceptions:
– If you are in Australia for a year and she is in Belgium, there is no need to pay 5,000€ for the round trip. Skype exists.
– If you haven’t heard from each other for several weeks, is face to face really useful? A simple SMS can be enough, just to make it official. The abandonment of position love version, it is beautiful.
Above all, be brief. Do not drag out the moment by rehashing all the good memories shared. Go straight to the point.
It is very likely that the girl will ask you questions about the reasons for your departure. Try to answer it as well as possible by weighing your words so as not to hurt her even more than she already is. (Yes, a good breakup, it repeats itself, so that the right words come out of your mouth…)
Do not impose your presence on him for too long. No need to rub the knife in an already raw wound. The best thing you can do is let her take the news and leave.
Step 5: Don’t turn around.
Moving on involves change: break off contact with your ex on social networks (don’t stalk her!), separate yourself from objects that make you think of her too much, rearrange your apartment according to your own tastes…
Change and novelty will be your best allies to move on more quickly. Dedicate yourself again to your passion, to your friends, to sport, to your projects…
The idea is to spare you as much as possible from questioning your situation and the discomfort that can result from it.
If you broke up for the right reasons, you need to move on. Don’t call your ex back. You would really be doing yourself a disservice. And you would hurt him.
If you’re struggling to grieve, read these 5 tips from a psychologist to get over your breakup.
Admittedly, it’s easier to move on without having your ex-girlfriend in front of you.
But some situations do not allow it: if you work with her, if you have children…
In these situations, avoid being unpleasant by trying your best to maintain a “friendly” relationship, devoid of passion.
It is necessary to keep a certain distance to protect yourself. The page has turned.
Bonus: Sleeping again with your ex, a false good idea?
On paper, it’s tempting. You know the body of the other at your fingertips, the positions she loves, her delusions in bed…
But that’s not how you’re going to move on.
Know that oxytocin (also called the “love hormone”) is a hormone that promotes bonding and attachment between two people.
This is secreted in greater quantity during sexual intercourse and even reaches a peak at the time of orgasm.
As Jamy would say, it’s not by sleeping with your ex that you’re going to forget him. Right Fred?
If you want to break up with someone, try to do it right. Even if it’s difficult. It is in the weeks or even in the months to come that you will congratulate yourself, when new horizons will open up and you will meet new people…
The joy of the first appointments… texting exchanges…
However, it’s also important to keep in mind that some relationships do last and can provide a stable foundation for a fulfilling life together. That’s where “Couple That Lasts: The 5 Secrets of a Stable Relationship” comes in. By exploring the five key components of a successful, long-term relationship, this intralink can offer valuable insights and advice for couples who are committed to building a strong, healthy partnership that stands the test of time!
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