“Respect for ourselves guides our values; respect for others guides our behavior.”–Laurence Sterne
Do you feel that others don’t listen to you, ignore your feelings, or never retain your ideas? In the end you don’t seem to matter to others, you are taken for granted.
It happens when you don’t get enough respect: respect for your time, opinion, and feelings, and respect for who you are today. To receive this respect in your personal or professional relationships, you must first show respect for yourself, and then respect others as well.
This respect is not admiration or wanting to be loved by others (that would be a whole other topic), but having your rightful place in your relationships, whatever they may be. It means not being taken for the fifth wheel of the carriage, or not being part of the scene during a discussion. Here are the five most important guidelines to grasp in order to receive respect:
1. Show others that you respect yourself
Do you tend to make jokes about yourself? To laugh at your own actions? This will almost certainly not help you gain the respect of others. What makes you laugh, and particularly what doesn’t, establishes the permissions you provide others.
Often, a strong tendency to self-mockery is a mark of low self-esteem. If you don’t want to become a joke to others, stop being a joke to yourself.
The way you talk about your life, your work, or yourself, says a lot about you. Think of a person you respect more than anything. Would you describe his life the same as yours? Would you list its faults without even being asked? Notice the difference.
RELATED: 10 BEHAVIOURS THAT ATTRACT PEOPLE LIKE A MAGNET
You don’t need to brag or shout your qualities from the rooftops. But you must not forget the values that drive you. Here are some examples:
- “I work hard.”
- “I am a good friend.”
- “I really care about other people.”
- “I am trustworthy and responsible.”
- “I am determined and persistent.”
- “I’m open and listening.”
Dare to show others these values which are yours. Show them by your behavior and do not betray them to please others, being yourself is priceless
2. Set clear boundaries for others
If you have the impression that you are often taken advantage of, or that you are “too nice”, these tips will be very important for you.Setting clear and enforceable limits is the greatest approach to keep others from taking advantage of you.
Are there any demands you grudgingly accept in order to avoid “hurting” others? Those things you say yes to even if your entire soul says no? Again, individuals who understand how to say “no” ironically obtain more “yes” from others. Others cease taking you for granted when you respect your time.
Do you make stringent regulations that you impose on others? If you are continually disturbed at work, inform those responsible that you will not accept being disturbed from such and such a time, or that you will do such and such. Provide an alternate option that takes your demands and the needs of others into account.
RELATED: You and I Both: Self-Compassion Reduces Self–Other Differences in Evaluation of Showing Vulnerability
Take the time to consider why these folks are acting the way they are. Do they have a tendency to take people for granted? Did you give the sense that you were always accessible? Two points must be made clear in your communication:
- Why are these unwanted solicitations problematic for you?
- What are the rules that you will apply to the letter (the times when you are available to others)?
If despite several reminders, these people do not respect your limits, then it is time to take drastic measures. You may need to cut ties with certain “friends”, or raise your voice if your needs continue to be ignored.
Even though it may seem harsh to you, not respecting yourself will get you nowhere. Building up frustration and ignoring your needs only “backs up to jump better” because all that frustration will eventually come out one way or another.
3. Make your voice heard
Many people struggle to gain respect because their voice is not heard. The others ignore them when they speak, cut them off or speak at the same time as them.
Being heard requires having a presence. This presence allows you to earn the respect of the people around you (relatives, friends or colleagues). For that, here are some tips to better assert yourself:
- Use the name of the person to whom you are writing.
- Avoid using vocabulary that is too complex in relation to the people in front of you.
- Discuss topics that are of interest to others (the error would be to exclusively discuss topics that are of interest to you).
- Ask questions about others, this will help you keep their attention. Also use silences wisely to support your opinion.
- To communicate clearly, use your hands and body. Your body language should convey your self-assurance.
- Maintain eye contact when speaking (don’t stare at one person, but scan everyone involved in the discussion).
- Work on your voice and speech to be heard better (this is especially important if you speak very softly or don’t articulate much). Avoid speaking in a flat voice by varying your tempo and pitch when speaking. Also ask for feedback from others on areas for improvement in your speech.
- Reduce the times when you complain (this will not help you to be heard).
Also, if someone cuts you off or ignores you, you can use the following phrases:
- “Please allow me a moment to share my thought.”
- “I appreciate you allowing me to express myself.”
- “We got off track. What I meant was…”
- “As I already stated…
Nonverbal communication can also aid you: waving your hand or finger can draw attention back to you and allow you to express yourself. Breathe in fast and loudly to make yourself heard.
Of course, the idea is not to continuously impose oneself. When a heated debate or many individuals are speaking, it is natural to be interrupted. The key thing is to avoid feeling excluded, especially if you have something to say.
4. Stop apologizing for everything
Have you developed the practice of apologizing all the time, even when you’re not at fault? Understand that doing so will cause you to lose all credibility with others. Do not apologize for being, or for circumstances that are not in your control. Instead of apologizing, make it a habit to thank individuals when you ask for a favor.
If you want to win the respect of people, keep your apologies for when you truly are sorry. (like if you spilled your drink on someone). Constantly apologizing weakens the impact of your apologies. Nobody believes you when you say you’re sorry.
We disrespect each other when we abandon our principles and ideas in order to fit in. It is possible to voice our thoughts without offending others; the appropriate balance is assertiveness.
It is not your fault if people are uncomfortable with who you are, your identity, your abilities, or your successes. We frequently use the golden rule “Treat others as you would like to be treated,” but we forget the converse: Treat yourself with the same respect that you treat others.
If you observe someone behaving inappropriately towards you, it is your responsibility to respond and convey clearly what is bothering you. Locking yourself up in quiet while waiting for things to pass will just prolong the problem and will not benefit anybody. If you are insulted once and do not reply, it will continue until you do.
RELATED: HOW TO BE SELF-CONFIDENT ? 17 TIPS TO BUILD CONFIDENCE
5. Respect others
We’ve seen how vital it is to respect oneself, but we must also remember to respect others.
Respect can be expressed in a variety of ways. During a discussion, for example, most individuals merely wait their turn to speak rather than listening to what others have to say.
We all have wonderful things to say, but making an effort to actively listen to one another demonstrates that you care about them. Be observant and endeavor to comprehend their point of view. After the conversation, go over what you learned about the person briefly and use what you learned in the next interaction.
It is equally vital to acknowledge the efforts of others. Compliments should be genuine, stressing acts and ideas rather than material goods. “I really like your dress style,” for example, is not the same as “You have a nice shirt.” In the first scenario, you congratulate the person, whereas in the second, you flatter their goods.
Hearing from others is also very important. We all need a favor now and again, but just calling friends, coworkers, or loved ones when you need them is a clear sign of contempt.
RELATED: HOW TO MEDITATE AND TRAIN YOUR BRAIN ?
It’s not about getting into heated debates. Simply let them know you’re thinking of them, inquire about their life, and share news about yours (your triumphs, new connections, or what you’ve learned). Offer your assistance if you believe they may benefit from a helping hand or some consolation; don’t wait to be asked.
There are, of course, countless other ways to show your respect, such as being punctual, avoiding gossip, or showing empathy.
The final word
It will take time to gain respect in your own eyes and the eyes of others. Often, we have limiting assumptions about ourselves or others that restrict us from responding appropriately and respectfully. Then you must challenge them and realize that everyone on this planet, including yourself, deserves to be valued unconditionally.
Examine your acts and ask yourself what actions you could take to earn more respect. Remember that being loved by everyone isn’t as important as being treated equally with everyone else. You will then realize how significantly your connections will improve.
If you liked this article, do not hesitate to share it with your entourage :)!