So, after the first euphoric times, when the partner is idealized, friction inevitably arises. How to manage a conflict in the couple? Here are some tips to limit the inconveniences of everyday life.
Are you in a relationship and struggling with conflicts that seem to arise out of nowhere? It’s common for friction to arise in a couple, even after the initial honeymoon phase. But the good news is that conflicts can be managed in a healthy way. In this article, we’ll share some simple tips to help you overcome the impulse and avoid making things worse, including refraining from saying mean things, avoiding exaggeration, settling accounts only in private, keeping communication open, and apologizing when necessary. By practicing these tips, you’ll be able to limit the inconveniences of everyday life and build a stronger, more loving relationship with your partner.
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Couple conflict: overcoming the impulse
Rare are the couples who do not argue. Stress at work, fatigue or loss of patience with children: many factors can negatively influence the relationship. Sometimes seemingly innocuous arguments cover up big points of contention. However, even in this particular case, a calm discussion is much better than a succession of unpleasant words and door slams.
The beginning of a conflict situation is shaped by two people. Intonation of voice, misplaced reflection, hasty gestures: the signs of the beginning of a quarrel are easily recognizable. Whether you emit them or they come from your partner, you can defuse them by acting quickly: calmly announce that you do not want to argue, leave the room, go for a walk. Taking some time to think about the situation or, on the contrary, thinking about something else and putting things into perspective is important. A “hot” reaction is often regretted, unlike a carefully considered reaction.
Going beyond the impulse means refraining from saying mean things that you don’t think, it means succeeding in calming down so as not to make things worse.
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Do not exaggerate or generalize during a relationship conflict
If the conflict breaks out despite everything, keep a cool head in all circumstances and do what is necessary to remain fair. If your partner doesn’t do the dishes often, that doesn’t mean he never does. This difference in vocabulary is major: if you exaggerate, he will feel unfairly attacked and will react accordingly.
Better, for example, to ask him why this time he couldn’t wash the plates. His answers can help you see more clearly and understand his behavior. A partner who is not attacked will be more likely to open up to dialogue than if he feels devalued and attacked. Thanks to this communication, you will start on a healthy basis and you will open the dialogue instead of simply expressing your annoyance.
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Settle accounts only in private
A tension rises between you and you need to let it express itself? A rule of thumb is to never “wash your dirty laundry” in public. If you are at a dinner party, or in any other social setting, maintain appearances as long as you are surrounded, even if it means avoiding or moving away if the configuration allows it.
Not reacting hotly has advantages: you may both be calmed down when you find yourself alone. This will allow you to approach the subject of the attitude or remark that hurt you more calmly. Also, arguing in public tends to encourage people to speak up more quickly, or to want others to take sides; especially since there is nothing more hurtful than being humiliated in front of spectators.
Keep communication open within the couple
The number one cause of conflict is poor communication. It’s easy to get caught up in everyday life and forget to devote some time to your relationship. When communication closes, dissatisfaction only translates into arguments. To prevent conflicts, don’t forget to talk, to ask how your partner is feeling, to find out what they are going through. Don’t hesitate to verbalize your own insecurities, especially if you are going through a stressful or conflict-prone time.
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Apologize after a relationship conflict
Your intonation was a little harsh? Did you interrupt your spouse to talk about you? You completely forgot to buy what he asked you? Apologies are not self-evident and never tacit: state clearly that you are sorry. This way, you prevent an involuntary thought or thoughtlessness from turning into a big argument. And if the conflict was inevitable, once the tension subsided, recognize your wrongs, possibly admit your bad faith and multiply the gestures of love. Generally speaking, the more your words exceeded your thought, the more aggressive you were, the sooner you should apologize. Do not wait several days because resentment or hurt then has time to build in your partner.
Benevolence is an essential feeling to develop within the couple: it is in its name that many conflicts are aborted. However, disputes in a couple, unless they are recurrent or violent, are neither alarming nor dramatic: they allow the tension to be evacuated and a good start to be made.
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Source : Passeportsante