He is the man that all men dream of being: the entrepreneur, the movie star, the one who holds the helm of the ship, the leader of the pack. He is the alpha male. Men want to be that man. Women want to be with that man. Do you want to be considered an alpha male? Here are some tips to help you become that man.
What “Alpha Male” Meaning ? A widespread but highly contested notion in zoology
The term dates from the late 1940s and spread rapidly. For twenty years, it has been used by “pick-up artists”, a subculture where men learn to become perfect “dominant males”.
History of a concept. The expression evokes an individual well planted on both legs. “Alpha Male” can indeed count on a double scientific reference, one to the vocabulary of biology, the other to the first letter of the Greek alphabet and its many uses in mathematics, physics or chemistry.
Double aplomb for double dominance: In zoology, the expression “alpha male” describes a social group in which male individuals dominate and where, among them, an individual is distinguished by his ascendancy over other males and his access privileged to resources – space, food, females.
Its introduction into everyday language dates back some twenty years, and is due in particular to the success of the term within the community of pick-up artists [“communauté de la séduction” ]. In this male subculture born in the United States at the end of the 1990s, (heterosexual) men learn to become perfect dominant males, considered more likely to obtain the sexual favors of these ladies – among whom the big winner will therefore be the “alpha male”
The alpha is the dominant male. The one who overflows with confidence, doesn’t care what others think and doesn’t waste words talking about his feelings. When he doesn’t have what he wants, he yells, elbows or throws the gloves if necessary.
Feminists may tell him it’s repulsive, but he knows they prefer bad boys. Besides, he sleeps with more girls, makes more money and has more power than all his friends. If he was a wolf, he would be the leader of the pack.
He won’t apologize for being a real man. It’s in his nature as a male, and he respects his nature.
The beta is the subordinate. He lacks self-confidence, is very concerned about the opinion of his peers and lets his emotions run wild. He avoids chicanery and looks down if another guy stares at him.
He’s the guy who never gets promoted in the office. The “good” guy that girls want to confide in or end up settling down with and having kids with, but end up cheating with a more manly lover. If he was a wolf, he would eat the last bits of flesh on the carcass.
Do you think that’s cliché?
Fully agree. But it’s this false dichotomy that a hell of a lot of men – and women – still refer to when they judge that so-and-so is or isn’t a “real” guy.
The phrase “alpha male” is just the latest buzzword for the traditional conception of masculinity. A nice big stereotype that continues to inspire the conduct of straight guys of all generations, because they think that’s how they’re going to earn the respect of their peers and, above all, please these ladies.
I thought about that while reading Normand Provencher’s powerful file in Le Soleil on Tuesday and Wednesday on men in distress. My colleague told us that guys who suffer psychologically still have a lot of trouble getting help.
“A woman who gets help is not threatened in her identity. The man who gets help sees a potential threat there, ”explained sociologist Jacques Roy to him. […] The ideal of a man is to be self-sufficient. I have a problem, I organize myself.
Mr. Roy added: “We must then deconstruct the mechanisms of socialization, it is the sinews of war.”
Me, I think it’s time to deconstruct the alpha male.
Three years ago, cognitive psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman did just that. In an extensive essay that can still be read on the Web, the researcher summarizes the scientific literature to come to the conclusion that men who succeed socially, romantically and sexually are not the bullies we associate with alpha males.
Kaufman points out, among other things, that a man can be both assertive and sensitive. He cites research showing that the combination of kindness and assertiveness is said to be the most attractive pairing for women. Yes, he says, dominant guys are more popular, but only when they’re already kind and selfless.
Another study suggests that domination is only attractive when it is exercised in a context of competition. Kaufman cites the example of teenage movies: “The guy in high school that all the girls have a crush on is the guy who can overpower a player from a rival school on the football field on Friday night, but who is likeable and friendly. with his classmates during the week.
The bad boy myth does not hold strong either. Research shows that most women are put off by demanding, violent and self-centered types, adds the psychologist, who is also a professor at the University of Pennsylvania. But a minority actually prefers assholes.
These women often grew up in an unstable family, with little or no parental support, and find it very difficult to bond. They prefer fuck friends and barricade their hearts. In short, the ideal prey of “alpha” males, dominant and aggressive, who then imagine that all women are like that, explains Kaufman.
And when they get kicked out by a less poked girl, they think it’s because they acted like a beta male, like a “good guy.” “They then try to increase their alpha quotient even more, which encourages even more women to withdraw, writes the psychologist. And the cycle continues.”
Often, men who don’t know how to express themselves other than by blowing their mark conform to this stereotype of the alpha male.
For example, guys who knock on the door of Autonomy, an organization that helps men in distress, do so frequently because their girlfriend can’t take it anymore.
“Behind the decision to come for a consultation, sums up my colleague Provencher, we most often find a spouse who can no longer take his behavior: either he takes charge of himself, or she leaves him.”
To take charge, guys have to learn to talk about their emotions, yes, because they are as human as women.
But I think they also need to get rid of their false beliefs about the male essence. A genuine man is neither alpha nor beta. He does not belong to any of these superficial categories.
“It’s time […] to embrace a much more multidimensional concept of masculinity,” writes Scott Barry Kaufman. The most attractive male is truly a mix of characteristics, including assertiveness, kindness, cultivated skills, and a genuine sense of worth in this world.”
It’s much more complicated than a black-and-white distinction. But if that’s an alpha male, I vote for him.
How To Become An Alpha Male
1. Trust yourself.
This cannot be said enough. If you think highly of yourself and have unwavering faith in your abilities, men and women will react to your presence. Don’t confuse confidence with arrogance. Self-confidence is the proof of inner strength, security and reliability. Arrogance is only an outward expression of a lack of self-confidence and the image people will have of you will be that of a hollow and insecure man, in short, the complete opposite of the alpha male. .
2. Assume your position.
When you walk into a room with an alpha male attitude, you just know that others are going to listen to you and respect what you have to say. If you doubt it, everyone else in the room will doubt it too.
3. Use humor to your advantage.
This doesn’t mean becoming the clown of the room, but you should be able to smile with genuine pleasure, laugh at yourself, and even gently laugh at others without sounding sarcastic or mean. Think of that aftershave commercial where the actor playing an over-the-top alpha male says, “Look at your man, now look at me. Unfortunately, he’s not me, but he may smell like me. !”
4. Let your body communicate.
The way you stand and move says a lot about you to others, and that’s not to say at all. Your posture, how you move your hands, your attire all send signals about your place in the world to those around you. You want these signals to come across as strong and confident, not protective and small.
Train yourself to be who you want to be. Look for situations where people are gathered and walk proudly into the room. If you still don’t feel like doing it, think of an accomplishment from your past, let that accomplishment fill you with pride, and then let that feeling carry you around the room.
Learn the art of body language. There are very specific tricks that are used by leaders and that followers react to.
Joining hands is a strong sign of self-confidence. Bring your hands together by bringing the fingertips of both hands together, while keeping your palms apart. The higher your fingers go, the more confidence you will exude, but don’t go too high. If the tips of your fingers touch your mouth, you will give off a lack of self-confidence. In a two-to-one conversation, it is often the man leading the exchange who will have the highest finger junction.
Hands behind your back. This is an attitude that exposes you, so you show courage, strength and confidence. Keeping your hands behind your back signals that you are open and ready to listen.
The eyes make the difference. Looking people in the eye is a very powerful attitude, but it can be difficult to do if you’re not used to it.
Look at the person you are speaking with, eye to eye, then lower your gaze to the level of the person’s mouth. This will keep your eyes moving, but still focused on your conversation partner.
Stick out your thumbs! If you put your hands in your pockets, thumbs sticking out, it exudes confidence and a touch of arrogance.
5. Don’t be scared to command attention in the room.
Stand tall, use sweeping motions, and look calm and at ease in your surroundings. Look for more goods on the site that are reasonably priced so that you may appear comfortable in any occasion.
6. Listen carefully.
The actual leader, the alpha guy, spends more time listening than talking. People will respond if you listen actively and carefully. The more you listen without judgment, the more people will open up to you and may reveal information to you that they will not reveal to anybody else. This is due to their inherent faith in you, which is an essential feature of the alpha male.
7. Observe others.
A good way to learn to be an alpha male is to imitate other alpha males.
Observe how they talk, how they stand and how they behave.
Talk to them if you have the chance. Ask them the key to their self-confidence, was it their successes that made people follow them, where did they work hard to become the one in command?
8. Join a gym and work your body.
Staying fit won’t make you an alpha male (it comes from within), but it will improve your health and well-being. This also sends another signal: the man who takes good care of himself can also take care of others.
9. Be honest.
Some feel like an alpha male will lie and cheat to get what he wants, but this is only true for men who are anything but alpha males. If you find yourself in a situation where you have to trick someone into thinking you deserve their time and energy, that’s actually proof that you’re not an alpha male. Make sure that everything you got was done by following a course of radical honesty. Be exactly yourself at all times, let others take you or leave you.
10. Dress well.
Try to look better than the guys around you to stand out. For example, wear patterns, collared shirts, nice pants and possibly a tie. Don’t wear a t-shirt that advertises a brand or your favorite band, what you want to promote is yourself. Read other articles on the site to learn how to dress well.
Dressing well does not necessarily mean dressing up. Your clothes should fit well, should be comfortable and should be appropriate for the situation. Remember that clothes are just a facade. If you exude strength and confidence and command respect with your presence, your clothes will take a back seat.
11. Learn to flirt.
Knowing how to form a romantic bond is essential to being considered an alpha male. Just because you’re confident, fulfilled and beautiful doesn’t necessarily mean you know how to interact with a potential partner, but it will give you a huge advantage.
If you want to show that you are in the market to a “friend”, read on the site how to get out of the friend zone.
12. Develop new skills.
By learning new skills and developing new abilities, you will keep your mind and body in shape. This will help you develop a set of skills that will make you the guy to go to if you have a question or a problem. Become more than a man of taste by developing your background by studying subjects that interest you and becoming eloquent and trained in those areas. Learn lots of skills on this site. Expand your mind by learning about architecture, art and music.
13. Above all, be a leader.
That doesn’t just mean dealing with situations, it means doing it well. Start in your immediate environment by being a leader in your workplace to help your team do better or to establish yourself as the leader of the pack. Train yourself to be the type of leader people want to follow, not just the one who has volunteered to do so.
advice from wolf male to alpha male
- Don’t fixate on women. If you set aside time to improve yourself, the admirers will flow in on their own.
- Stay focused. No one is a natural leader, the respect inherent in this position is earned. Becoming an alpha male takes time, time to develop your confidence, serenity, and knowledge. Do not doubt your ability to achieve your goal, and the achievement of your goal will already be in sight!
- Practice being your leader. Work on your posture at home, even if no one is watching. Sit straight in your chair, act decisively, and read a book about something that interests you instead of watching TV.
Focus on your strengths and improve your weaknesses. People gain self-confidence over time. Don’t worry too much about impressing others, but rather about impressing yourself and the people you love.