Whatever you have done to betray your wife’s trust, you will have to act carefully until you regain that trust. The trust that exists between a couple or two women is an integral part of believing or even deciding that you will remain inseparable for the rest of your life. So that includes not being unfaithful, not wasting household funds, not mortgaging the house to satisfy gambling desires, not hurting your wife, not gossiping about her and more. Trust is easily undermined when you fail to consider how your weakness and selfishness will break the hearts and wills of others. If you’ve lost your wife’s trust for some reason, it’s up to you to do whatever you can to win her back. Have the courage, admit your fault and start working hard to make things right.
#1. Acknowledge that you have lost their trust because of something you did.
You have chosen to do so (or not to do so). It involves your impulsive actions or willful inactions, your failure to respect your wife and your relationship, and your good faith and hurtful intent to have something else that only interests you. Whether you have slept with another, embezzled household savings, tarnished her reputation, hurt her person or something else, the same problem is at the very heart of your action. You made a bad choice and you have no more respect.
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#2. See if you really want to regain your wife’s trust.
You will really have to restore what you have or at least start from scratch. If you are compelled to do so for reasons beyond your control (such as pressure from family or social obligations), then you may not have learned the lesson and, whatever you do will surface later. Instead, you will have to take back what you had, because it matters to you.
#3. Prepare to accept your wrongdoings.
You cannot win back another person’s trust when you feel compelled to lay some or all of the blame on that other person. Telling your spouse that she seemed too busy, too boring, too addicted to shopping, etc., means you’re just apologizing for your behavior. It has nothing to do with how she fails to live up to your expectations. You have destroyed what she expects of you and for that you must rebuild the foundation that you have broken. If you do this, she won’t see your attempts to win back her trust as genuine.
#4. Face your mistakes.
Put an end to the situation, find yourself a job to pay back the money you lost, get therapy for your violent tendencies, your sex and porn addiction. Whatever the problem, seek out and effectively implement the solution you need to put an end to the reason for this breach of trust. Without this positive sign of your willingness to make changes, she will have no reason to believe that you have changed and are trying to set new goals.
Cut all ties with anyone who has come forward as a problem. Even if you were flirting with other people, reduce that flirting.
#5.Discuss with your spouse.
Explain what you did, why you take responsibility for your actions, and exactly what steps you took to get him to trust you again. To do this, you need to be brave and honest with yourself and willing to listen to her response. She’s likely to have a lot to say and even if all she does is listen, respect her reaction choices and support her. You can’t stop her from expressing her feelings, she has the right to and for that listen to her and learn.
Show her every day that you have time to listen to everything she says. Do not interrupt or argue what she will say. All you have to do is listen.
#6. Expect your wife to feel unsafe around you.
Undermining a trust involves asking questions about the person who broke that trust. These are questions such as What are you doing? Where are you going ? With whom are you ? Where were you ? are you really doing what you claim to be doing? All these questions will cross his mind several times. Do your best to anticipate questions by providing details ahead of time that can make her confident you’re telling the truth.
If your wife is worried about where you’re going and who you’ll be with, tell her not to worry. Otherwise, ask him to call you or tell him that you will call him and you will video chat with him so that he actually sees where you are and with whom.
Offer to take part in an event that she cares about and that you had neglected before. It can be a hobby, the church, a sports discipline and more.
Be more open. Let her have access to your social media accounts and friends list. Give your phone to your wife and allow her to check your contacts. Be ready to pick up the phone when she calls. Don’t make her chase after you.
Be on time as an unofficial accountability partner. Don’t be late and don’t have a dubious time slot to get home.
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#7. Be a good listener.
Be careful how you express your thoughtfulness. Today’s woman is savvy about buying jewelry, chocolates, flowers, etc. as apology gifts, especially when you haven’t done that since the times you were dating. While it might seem like a good idea to buy something interesting as an initial excuse, don’t think that will be the answer to all problems. It could be part of your efforts to refocus your attention on him and the relationship. In fact, it’s crucial that you’re completely open to her by listening and explaining carefully and clearly what you’re thinking and doing while apologizing when you’ve given her reason to feel insecure. Being mindful involves.
Spend more time together. Be at home rather than being in the field, in the office or in a bistro. If your wife is to have confidence in you again, it will only be done by the attention you give her in the present moment by proving that you have made up your mind to be by her side, to spend time with her and wish sincerely to be in his company
Do housework together. This can be a great time to define who does what to run the fireplace. A new list of chores, a new budget, and a new way of running the household or even a new home may be in order. A move to a new place or a fresh start can sometimes be the ticket to getting a relationship back on track.
If you have children, see if you need to make any improvements or changes in your parenting approach. You may have forgotten your responsibility to raise children. If so, you have the opportunity to turn things around and start spending more time with the kids. You can also focus only on children excluding your wife. Again, you have the option to re-orient this slope to make it more balanced
Have lunch or supper at the same table. When you are at the table, stay away from any electronic device or even outside the meal. These can be items that can interfere with the bond you have with your family.
#8.Provide support for your wife’s desires.
She may feel like your actions and behavior have interfered with her ability to do something she thinks is important. So find ways to help him realize his desires or at least don’t be the cause of his hindrance. If she suddenly feels like doing humanitarian work in a disaster region, she may need to break up with you.
#9. Be truthful.
If you really want to regain your wife’s trust, you have to get her to see that you really mean everything you do and say. Actions speak louder than words and she’ll be watching that closely while hoping for mistakes, because she’s not sure if you’re being sincere or not. It may be difficult for you, like being judged, but that’s just one of the realities of winning someone’s trust back. You are exposed, no matter how uncomfortable it feels. You have proof to give and she will gradually see whether or not you try to prove your reliability again as her partner or husband.
#10. Put in some effort.
It takes time, effort, and real evidence (that shows you want to change for the better) to earn someone’s trust. You can’t expect to regain your wife’s trust overnight. It could take years. You will have to know that it is worth it and accept not to be discouraged. Show your partner (wife) that you have really decided to get her back.
Know that there will be times when you wonder if your efforts really had an impact on her. This is normal. However, this is not easy to bear. In such situations, if you don’t mind, discuss your feelings with a relative, a trusted friend or even a psychologist. You might not be shy about telling your wife about your feelings. Your genuine concerns can help him see that you are doing everything you can and that you are also finding it very difficult. However, just don’t use that as a reason to seek his favor. It won’t give your relationship some balance, so don’t try it.
Use your faith to help you and your couple (if they are willing). At least for yourself, you may find that prayer, meditation, and reflection are your modes of healing. Read your faith booklet, stories about forgiveness, and also articles about people who have tried to regain lost trust. If your family or wife is willing, spend time praying or reflecting together.
#11. Give your wife space and let time take care of the healing.
She is going through a period of intense emotions, just like you. There will be days when she will see things more clearly than other days. Sometimes she can easily discuss this with you, but other times she won’t. This is normal and part of the healing process. It’s important not to rush or pressure her to make decisions about her desires or feelings in the future. If you put pressure on her, the easiest option may be to give up for fear of being manipulated or controlled. Love, space and time are the ingredients that will allow him to forgive you, trust you and start over.
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Final and relevant advice
- Make changes in a way that shows you have self-respect. If she sees that you’ve started to respect yourself and aren’t looking for a way out, she can see that you’ve changed and that you really care about that change.
- Consider giving small surprises, but keep them thoughtful. Think about how you recreated some of these surprises to show your wife that you remember and care. Keep doing the little things you’re used to, just like the ones you’re doing now.
- Don’t look suspicious. If you are, she won’t trust you. Don’t be somewhere you shouldn’t be. Do not visit a website that offers questionable content. Avoid gambling sites, pornography, frivolous spending and more. This implies that you won’t have to quickly close pages, delete history or hidden files, hide your phone, and avoid doing anything that will cause it to say Uh, what are you doing?
- Behave so she knows you’re serious.
- Do your part in the responsibilities that are yours in the home. Being responsible is a big part of being trustworthy. You are not a child and therefore do not expect to be pampered. Don’t expect to be asked to do things that need to be done to keep the fireplace running smoothly.
- Be honest and open about all your feelings.
- It’s crucial that your wife doesn’t see you as a constant nuisance by her side. Give it time and space to heal.
- Hide praise and positive notes all over the house. Give her a reason to smile when she finds and reads these notes of support. It shows care and shows that you’re trying hard to remind her why she means so much to you.
- Act like you care about the things he cares about, even if you don’t. She doesn’t expect you to knit furs for old cats, but she expects you to respect her wishes to do so. As far as you know, if you show enough interest, you might find some angles that interest you and eventually lead you to visit local businesses asking for yarn donations so you can knit these furs. You will always find your angle somewhere.
- Don’t start screaming. If you’re yelling, it shows you’re trying to get things your way. This does not prove that you are listening and that you are making an effort to agree.
- Anger shows that you weren’t paying enough attention to something you really care about. However, anger indicates a loss of control. Use anger as motivation to find out what’s bothering you. So take a step back, think about it, and find the sweet, reasonable words to express the true feelings and reasons that anger has helped you identify.
- Don’t be haughty all the time. Laughing at her rather than laughing with her is the quickest way to destroy what little trust she had in you.
- It is easier to argue especially when the situation is difficult, frustrating and raw. However, this is not the best approach to anything, because ultimately the problem remains delicate and unresolved. Be the one to let go. You have the option of expressing your concerns in a calmer way later.
- Do not overwhelm your wife with your desires and the period in which you want to achieve them. She will feel manipulated and suffocated. To get her to trust you again, you need to give her time and space.
- Never take what happened as a joke. No matter how nervous, scared, and cowardly the situation gives you, you need to take the situation seriously. You must have the courage to bear what happened and be prepared to right the wrong. Demonstrate honesty, reliability and sincerity.
- If she doesn’t want you to touch her, then respect her decision. She may feel very vulnerable and exposed, and intimacy may be the last thing she can handle when she doesn’t trust you. Don’t try to control her. She’ll let you know when and if it’s something she wants from you again. If you put pressure on her, she’s likely to overreact and the situation will get worse.
- Avoid approaching your wife in a panic. This attitude can be seen as an attempt to use pity to regain his confidence. Do not proceed in this way, because in the long run it will weaken your position.